i was sitting in the bathroom today when like 5 girls walked in and i stopped pooping right away cause i didn’t want them to hear me but then i thought why is taking a shit so bastardized today like why cant i poop in peace in the privacy of my own stall without caring if people listen to the flop flop plop plop sploosh sploosh like damn just sing along to the ploop blop and enjoy symphony no. 9 a la my asshole
Maybe Moriarty was trying to write ‘I <3 U’ on the apple but he messed up and was too embarrassed to ask for another one
so he killed sherlock instead
no one could know.
(Source: lissaraptor)
fix the tumblr video player and you can buy any fucking website you like
What if God was one of us? Just a stranger on a bus, masturbating violently.
fuck kind of bus do you ride
(Source: juilan)
Dragon’s Breath fire opal
P sure that’s a fucking soul gem.
I bet they’ll give you a great deal on that
(Source: youngdopenproud)
how to give a good handjob
- bop it
- pull it
- twist it
don’t do this
flick it?
is meowing outside my door and wants to sleep in my room, but no matter how many times I clean them, he has poopy paws and so has been condemned to the living room once again. His meows are getting more and more peculiar. They are long, drawn out and quaver dramatically. It sounds like he is walking up and down the hall…
